The 2001 movie, The Wedding Planner, was one of my favorite romantic comedies to watch during my “no cable” having dorm days. In short, Matthew McConaughey saves Jennifer Lopez (J.Lo) from getting hit by a dumpster, miraculously he’s a doctor (pediatrician) and can treat her, they go out, she begins to develop feeling for him… and BOOM! He has a fiancé. To add insult to injury, J. Lo is their wedding planner. After spending waaaay too much time together preparing for the wedding, McConaughey takes J. Lo home and in a vulnerable moment he professes his strong “like” for her. In a state of pure exhaustion, she states “I’m a magnet for unavailable men, and I’m tired of it.” She tells him all she needs are his tuxedo measurements and dismisses him from her doorway.
Well, at the mere age of 18 never did I think that my life would repeat what I had visualized on the screen. Nevertheless, I can relate, all too well, to J. Lo’s character. Apparently, I have the similar magnetic force. I’m not sure what emanates off me and into the atmosphere, but I somehow attract men whom are either married, have a “situation”, or are emotionally unavailable. And I can honestly say that I am tired of it, a matter of a fact exhausted (I feel you J. Lo)! I have been attracting them for as far back as I remember. My most recent ex was unavailable to an extent (another post for another time). Just like I’ve experienced in past years, this past week was an interesting whirlwind of unavailability, and if this had been about 5 years ago, one that would have made me emotionally unhinged. Seriously, this MESS is ridiculous!
Here it is… My Week in Review:
It started Sunday evening while I was scrolling through my Instagram timeline. I came across an old friend, from undergrad, whose recent post was of him and his soon to be baby mama/ Boo Bae at the baby shower, which took place the day prior. I scrolled down to the comments where people were wishing the happy couple congratulations.
Now that really wasn’t my issue, however, what I found to be just a bit absurd was that he denied being in a relationship when we reunited. I’m not sure the reason for this denial, especially when I was in a relationship at the time and I was upfront about my status. It’s probably appropriate to say that he just wanted to try his hand…of course.
Fast forward to Tuesday. I saw a neighbor while on my evening dog walk. When I’d just moved on the block, we had a few encounters and “hi/ bye” exchanges. One of those meeting involved him handing me his card, which found a permanent home on my mantel. I had never looked at it again since I was attached at the time. That was until last Tuesday. After I came back in from the evening walk, I went to open my window when I saw the same neighbor at my door. I simply asked him “yes?”
“Can you come down?” He yelled up.
Now, my first instinct was that this was creepy. I asked myself “Did he just follow me?” I’m not accustomed to having men just pop up by my door and honestly, this was a little too close for comfort. Still, I tend to be a bit curious.
So, I cautiously cracked my door and poked my head out asking, “what’s up?”
“Take my number down so you can call me sometime.”
I put up my index finger motioning him to wait as I reached behind the door on the mantel and got the card that he had given me eight months prior. “Isn’t this you?”
“Yes, why haven’t you used it?” he inquired.
I shrugged my shoulders.
“Will you use it please? Call me!” He insisted. This is where it got not only weirder, but absurd. “I mean, I have a situation, but we can talk about it.”
“Excuse me?” I needed clarification as if I didn’t just hear what I had just heard.
“I have a situation, we can talk about it.” He ACTUALLY thought it was ok to repeat such foolishness.
As I closed my door, I used the card that I had in my hand and immediately looked him up on Facebook where his situation all over his profile. I then realized I had seen the same situation walking his dog.
So, this man came followed me to my doorstep to tell me that he had a situation- DOWN THE STREET! Dude, get out of here!
Now this third one really made me feel as though I had been inserted into the scene where J.Lo and Matthew McConaughey were in the Tango class. We spent time together, and stayed in constant contact. As people do when they have something going on, he got distant. Therefore, I asked if he was single. His response was that if he wasn’t we wouldn’t be hanging together. At that point the “hanging” had died down, so I inquired. I suggested that we get together and was game to do so. This was Thursday evening.
Now, let’s jump to Saturday. I was laying down after my morning workout when I got a text message from Mr. Thursday stating that he was being distant because he is currently mending a broken heart. I concluded that he was emotionally unavailable, and when I asked if I was correct he confirmed with” Yes. For now. Yes.” (he made sure he mentioned that “This s!it is definitely temporary.” Probably because he wanted to just keep me dangling in the wind). He then added that he didn’t want to lose another good person by not being fully transparent. He claimed he was getting over his ex whom he broke up with back in the fall.
Now, this man thinks I am going to be his little compadre/ therapist. Over the past few days I have received texts about how he’s been praying and how his niece just made his day. Boy… Bye!
Three different men, in the same week- ALL UNAVAILABLE. I could draw conclusions, but I’m not even sure which ones to draw other than that was one hell of a week. It either has to do with self-motives or timing. The timing is clearly off since they are either with someone currently, bringing a new life into the world, or getting over someone from the past. All roads lead to a dead end. Then on the other hand, they all took a page from the book of Matthew McConaughey and still wanted to test the waters, which is a rather selfish for everyone involved i.e. girlfriends, baby mamas, and most importantly ME.
I can honestly give props to guys Tuesday and Saturday for being upfront and honest. At the same time, I think there is a bigger issue here- they are driven by self-gratification. They are wallowing in whatever state they currently possess, while attempting to whisk me into their madness so that they can try their hand. Umm… no buddy!
In the end, we should strive to be J. Lo’s character in the scene above. Don’t be the person who will just settle for someone’s sloppiness. It seems like it’s easy, but as men (I have male friends who fall for married women) and women, we have set the bar so low in dating that we have begun to think it’s ok to eat off the dirty dishes that are brought to the table.
If the timing is off, there is someone out there who’s timing is better aligned with yours. If they are simply thinking of self, you shouldn’t want to be bothered with them in the first place.
Back to why I am attracting these types- I have ABSOLUTELY no clue! Is there a pattern, yes! Not sure what it derives from. Or maybe it’s just last week’s luck of the draw.
How do you break from the patterns you subconsciously create in your dating life?