Who TF wants to be 70 and alone?

It’s funny how life will make you reference a Drake lyric with the quickness these days. One minute your cooling – hair growing, skin glowing – and life is finally going the way you need it. All while you’re single and happy. Right?

Then, like an unexpected rain on a sunny day, he hits you up and throws you off. And no, it’s not the guy you met at happy hour a few nights ago or the random man that you gave your number to at the gas station so he’d walk away. It’s an ex.

And not just any ex. It’s THE ex. The one you spent MONTHS trying to get over. The one you may or may not have cyber-stalked after it ended. The one you thought you loved so much, you pre-planned your happy ending.   This is the one who’s family you met, and his friends became your friends. You went the whole-nine. All for him to tear your heart to pieces for whatever reason.

This is that bitch-ass-ex.

Now, this resurrection of a past love could come as a shock. For me, it was the first of some of the most random “man-related” encounters of my life.

To give some perspective, I dated a young man for about two years while in college. We haven’t spoken in almost four years. So, imagine my surprise when I get an influx of notifications that – for the sake of this staying anonymous – “@LostCause wants to follow you on Twitter and Instagram.”

Of course, since so much time has passed – and again I’m at the hair growing, glowing skin stage of my singleness –  I think to myself ‘what’s the harm in letting him follow me?’ It’s been forever since he’s occupied space in my mind. I can handle a few likes on my bossy beach pics. I’m no longer worried about this brown skin, 6-foot something, still has a six pack even though he now has a two-year-old grown man. I’ll be the bigger person because I’m completely over it – or so I say.

But, the moment I see the showers of IG love and realize he’s going on a liking spree of all my pics and videos of the moments we could’ve shared together, I get curious. The first thing that comes to my mind is “well let me see how he’s doing…”

Don’t expect happiness from a person who was responsible for making you unhappy in the first place.


The moment I click on his page, I start to wonder “what if”?

Lord, why do we always have to wonder “what if”!!!

I begin to think about all the great memories we shared and start to question if he’s matured? I wonder: will he still make me laugh the same way? How often has he been thinking about me? Does he miss me? Does he want to get back together?

Then, I think to myself “slow down big fella.” All he did was like a few pictures. Let not get carried away.

However, that curiosity doesn’t just subside. It’s like ripping off a band-aid from an infectious wound that because you’ve been doped up on red wine, romcoms, and late-night rooftop convos with the girls, you forgot existed. You forgot that he was the sore that made you feel the most alive and the numbest at the same time. You can’t just pick at a wound and not remember the pain it caused you and coincidently that adventure you went on to put it there.

So, a few social media likes turn into a DM. And not just a regular DM, we graduate to Snapchat, the home of the shameless, unfiltered and more importantly untraceable messages.

Mistake No. 2!

Somehow, I went from wondering if he was thinking about me to knowing he still had my phone number after all these years. [Disclaimer: You can’t add someone on Snapchat without his or her number or username. Given my username is completely different there than all my other accounts, this man definitely still had me locked in.]

That’s when it hit me. This man has had my number for all these years, but did not once pick up the phone to call. He never apologized for the pain he caused. Never acknowledged the hurt he created. But, because social media gives anyone from the outside world a free gaze into your life, I decided to let him in. I let him slide into my DM’s like a stranger off the street trying to shoot his shot as if he didn’t already have a full access pass six seasons ago.

What I was doing was insane. I was playing with fire knowing in the back of my mind I’d get burned. Again.

It’s funny how women will give a man the benefit of the doubt or make excuses for him before we’re even confronted with the whole truth. Especially, when you feel like time invested is reason enough to ignore the sheisty things he’s done. He may have made you laugh, but he’s also made you cry, and that’s where I had to thank god this revelation hit before we got to the smooth talking, boo-loving, caking late at night stage of this situation.

So, before I completely lost my mind, I brought my girls up to speed so they could help me snap out of it before I went off the deep end (you can always count on your girl friends to get you back to reality, and if you can’t you need new friends).

Nevertheless, I only needed to hear one thing before I made up my mind: “don’t expect happiness from a person who was responsible for making you unhappy in the first place.” It’s that rational thinking that saved me from hitting send on a message that would potentially return me to the path of stress, useless calories, bad hair days and acne.

So, for all of us happy singles who may have a few solid moments of weakness here are a few things to remember about your exes:

  1. They’re your ex for a reason!
  2. More than likely nothing good will come from revisiting an old flame. You don’t want that old thing back.
  3. You’re only doing him more favors by giving him the satisfaction that he can have you twice.
  4. Nine times out of ten he’s no better than how you left him – or he left you.
  5. It’s better to be with no one than to be with the wrong one.

With that being said, I am going to sit here in my singleness remaining acne free, emotionally healed with my long hair and glowing skin.

To the man I blocked in 2012, I should’ve reported you as spam!


The Girl You Used to Know


The Girl You Used to Know spends her days rustling though accounts for her firm.  She is a avid bruncher who can be found sharing her stories while sipping on mimosas with the ladies.   You can find her on any continent taking in the sights and sun with a cocktail in hand.