Would you believe it if I told you that one of the main things guys look for when dating is a connection?
Well, a couple of weeks ago, a friend sent me this meme and suggested that I write a blog about this:
How do men distinguished between women they want to wife and women they just want to have sex with?
When I asked the above question to a group of guys, I received pretty much the same answer. Worded various ways, but saying the same thing.
There has to be a Connection
“No thought process. It just happens when you like someone and becomes obvious at some point.“
“I don’t know. I met a woman online and I met her for coffee one afternoon. It’s been 4 1/2 years now. I’m a die-hard conservative, she is a die-hard liberal. We just try to avoid talking about politics. I make her coffee every morning now. There was no real thought process involved. We just connected.
“I have to be in love with her, eager to be with her and enjoy spending time with her. Getting along fine, no arguing or drama – we can agree to disagree on things and not let it hamper or impede our relationship.”
“I always did better when it was the lady being totally into me and me being cooler. But with the future wife – I was totally crazy! I just had to have her! That in of all the red flags.”
“About all I’d add is that the relationship shows signs it could last a lifetime”
The guys wanted to iterate that when there isn’t that connection, things may not go as planned.
“I have also committed out of desperation, and not been totally in love, and that ended badly for both of us.
“For me, when I’m in love, I’m all in. I have (out of desperation) in the past committed without being in-love, and it ended terribly. Nothing stays casual for long.
And for many of the men, they expressed something that many women have known for decades, if he’s into you and he wants you, there is nothing that will stop him from being with you.
“Love. If he is totally into you, he makes sure you are HIS and HIS only. If he is only MEH about you, he’ll want to stay casual.”
Believe it or not there are guys who really have zero interest in having a CASUAL relationship. Am I saying that there are guys out there who are all about the commitment- YES! (now that should be a sigh of relief because even the thought of one of these guys actually existing is pretty much like seeing a leprechaun dressed unicorn standing by a pot of gold in a field of four leaf clovers).
“A caring and compassionate woman who is loving, affectionate, and who also likes frequently giving and receiving affection verbally (since “Words of Affirmation” are my primary love language), would pretty much already have my heart. As far as casual relationships, I’ve never tried that route, and have no interest in that, tbh.”
Still, there are those who want to leave all of the responsibility on the women.
“Some of us are clueless. Be direct and tell ’em exactly what you want.” (as if it’s that easy).
Unfortunately, where even when there is a connection, some guys will run away from what seems to be the perfect match.
“I recently had the most interesting conversation with a guy friend the other day! We were talking about dating, and he had a dilemma. For context – he is multi-dating right now. Or maybe there is a #1, but she is aware it isn’t monogamous. Basically, it is a girl that is good on paper, and it’s clear he likes her in some ways, but he is missing something, so he is looking around for something else. And as we were talking about this, a few thoughts popped in my head:
1. he decided to settle and play the field at the same time
2. his wishlist may be too specific so he is missing opportunities
3. he kept talking about wanting to be married and finding the “one,” but worrying that he might need to explore really different stuff to find her
Anyway, it was sort of interesting to me, as he wasn’t willing to commit to someone he got along with well, found attractive and connected with. Because he was worried the sex was starting to get boring! (I don’t know why he told me this…)”
Now, it’s that ONE↑ that screws it up for them all… but of course that shouldn’t be the case.
Then there was this sad guy:
“I have been guilty of that too, particularly in the last relationship. It wasn’t terrible though and it had its share of great moments, but yes. I kinda figured I could make it work so as not to be alone. But I never really loved her. Not the way I loved other girls that chose not to be with me. **Story of my life**”
Thoughts? I’d love to hear them. Feel free to tail below