Cause she’s actually forming a threesome, and I happy that I can join them. And their names are Me, Myself, and I.

-Tamia

First it’s the break-up… like a dream. And when the dream is over reality sets in and life as you knew it with that person is over. There was this person that you shared your days, outings, adventures, fun, laughter, dreams with and then it comes to an abrupt halt. You ask yourself, what now?

Depending on the level of intimacy you shared with this person, it doesn’t matter who pulled the rug from under whose feet. Because yes, you do feel the person’s absence- whether a good or bad.

In my situation, I did the pulling of the rug. Not because my ex was a bad person… no. I actually think that he was a great person. Just not great for ME. I took a note from Tamia’s 2007 hit Me, “Loving you and loving me just doesn’ t seem to work at all.”

So, I CHOSE ME! I chose to love myself above anyone’s misplaced feelings and emotions. I chose to value what I desire and want in my own life. I chose my smile and what makes me smile. I chose to pay attention to my own feelings.

I came into this world some 30 odd years ago today. So, with this being my day, I find it appropriate for the Inaugural post of Lovetails, the message to be about self!

A couple of years back a close male friend from undergrad was visiting. And what do you do with friends you haven’t seen in a while- selfies! I immediately went into my picture pose as he pulled out his phone to catch the reuniting moment. He then stops, shakes his head, and laughs as he turns to me and says in his Texan accent “Girl you love you some you.”

Uh, Duh! Of course, I do!

Ya know, it may sound cliché, but self-love really is the best kind of love. In the world of dating, without a severe case of self-love, you will be subject to whatever version of someone else’s idea of love is.

We all have a desire for love, affection, and companionship. Those who say that they don’t are lying to themselves and everyone around them. The sad part is that everyone else knows that they’re lying. We just aren’t wired to live without those things. We were made to have them. A life without them would be desolate. So, it’s ok to admit to yourself that you wish to have a life full of love and companionship. You must affirm and have faith. If you don’t you are already on the path in the opposite direction.

But in your search for them, never lose sight of who you are. Never settle for less than you deserve- which is the world! If someone isn’t willing to love you in the sense of giving you just that, YOU LOVE YOU enough to walk away.

I am not talking about expectations either. Expectations are what we think should happen according to the story that is in our head. And that’s ok too. But, that’s another topic for another day. My gift to you on my birthday is to encourage you, and when you look in the mirror in the morning, love the person looking back at you enough to want them to have the best that life can offer. Love them enough not to settle. Love them enough to want to see a smile on their face. Love them enough to know what makes them happy. Sing the chorus of Tamia’s Me in the mirror every morning if you have to.

Once you have that level of love of self, the dating world has no chance of getting the best of you. You will be able to discern the good from the bad and the pretty from the ugly.

The point is, the outcome of dating is ever-changing, but what remains consistent is you! Your King or Queen is somewhere and he or she is coming. But until they do- You LOVE you some you and love you some more!

How do you display self-love? I’d love to hear from you. Leave tips in the box below.