The significance (of oral sex) is simply another form of great pleasure and foreplay.

So, I wouldn’t perform oral.  And he dumped me.  I’ll give him credit, he did warn me that if I didn’t he was going to dump me. Guess he’s a man of his word.

See, but he asked for it… on a regular basis.  There was also a level of discomfort at being asked repeatedly, from early on, for me to do it.  I mean I’m not opposed to doing it, but asking or just expecting it- talk about a turnoff.  Sheesh.

So, I have to wonder. Am I tripping? Or, does the asking for it take away from wanting to do the act. Why shouldn’t you just put it out there that you want her to slob the nob? I get it, I know, closed mouths don’t get fed.  But when you open your mouth and ask that she does it in any particular moment, or you make a big deal out of it, here is what happens:

You ruin the spontaneity of it:

This is something that any man should just want his S/O to do.  You shouldn’t want to have to coerce her into doing it.  Once you make a big deal out of it or bring it up, it’s fair to assume that the only reason it is being done now is that you brought it up, or that she is fearful of losing you.  Part of the turn-on is that she wants to do it and it comes out of nowhere.

She feels cheapened:

Remember the guy who asked to put his penis between my breast (go here if you missed it)?  Well if you thought that was bad, I had a different guy to go a step further and ask for fellatio by straddling my neck when we were just lying in bed and try to put his penis in my face.  Dude, who in the total hell do you think that I am?

When my ex asked me to Rock the Mic it took something away from it for me. Simply put. But that is my take. After discussing it with my girls, I still wasn’t satisfied with their take.  I mean most of them think like me.  So, I asked my male friends for help on this one.  Here’s what they had to say.

It’s your job to make her feel good. She wants to be taken to that point. I think most women have that desire, it’s just who can bring it out of her.

On a Scale of 1-10, rate the importance of receiving oral sex. Explain.

Guy 1: Um… oral sex is probably an eight… nine.  Yeah, like an eight or nine…eight.  I mean it’s not like it has to be every moment that you guys are intimate.  It doesn’t have to be… you know.  It ‘s important, but not every time. It’s a different feeling each time.  It’s all about how she feels.  Sometimes she’s up to it and sometimes she not.  It’s not going to be the same every time. 

Guy 2: I give the act of getting head an 8 out 10 because it’s important, but not necessarily every time you are intimate with her.

So what’s the significance?

Guy 1: It’s different emotions, the sex drive, it’s just different. I think it’s a little crazy to expect it.   It’s a different level of intimacy.  I think if she does it, she’s into this guy.  

Guy 2: The significance of the act in my mind is simply another form of great pleasure and foreplay. 

So, for you Guy 2, it doesn’t mean she cares about you any more or less?

No. It’s just another part of being with her.  Females do that to a stranger.  So it doesn’t hold that much.  Depends on the woman honestly.  But doing that to each other it’s foreplay.  There’s more to it all.

You may not expect it every single time, but how often do you want it?

Guy 1: As much as I can get it.  It’s not that I’ll be demanding it or asking for it.  Definitely not ask for it.  But, I’m not going to turn it down.

Guy 2: Twice a week.

Huh, that’s it?

Guy 2: Cause I don’t need oral sex every day.   If she wants to give it every day that on her.  But if I’m looking for it… yeah… twice a week.

So let’s move on to the asking for it since it was mentioned. Why would you not ask for it?

Guy 2: It should come naturally to the both of you. Asking for cheapens the experience in my mind.

Guy 1: Honestly it just seems lame.  It just seems lame to ask for it.  You don’t even ask to have sex.  You just know it’s going to happen.  If she’s into you she will do it.  If the sex is good, she’s going to do it.  She’s going to want it in her mouth.  Unless she just doesn’t want to do it at all because she just thinks it’s the nastiest thing in the world. Come on man… I understand if you want it.  I just think that there are different ways to go about getting it vs. asking for it.  There are just different things you can do.  Me personally, I never saw myself asking for it, I’ve never asked for it.  There are just a different things you can do before getting to the point of asking for it. 

Such as?

Guy 1: First give it to her.  And if she’s enjoying it enough, maybe she will do it.  I don’t know… there’s just so much you can do.  If you can get to a point where you can make her come when you get ready, I mean when the guy gets ready.  He knows her body that well.  She’s going to do it.

Asking is not even my last resort. It’s just not on my list to ask… it’s just… nah.  It depends on how you click mentally and emotionally.  It just all depends on what you are doing differently than what she’s used to.  She’s not going to just do it because you are naked or just because you pull it out. If it feels like the norm ,she might not be as excited.  She’s a grown ass woman.  She wants to feel good. It’s your job to make her feel good.  She wants to be taken to that point.  I think most women have that desire, it’s just who can bring it out of her. 

If you give it to her do you automatically expect it?

Guy 2: I don’t expect to receive it from her just because I am willing and ready to do her. When she is ready I believe she will perform the act in her own time.  

Let’s just say, you do ask. How would you even go about it?

Guy 1: Well first, you want her to feel comfortable.  You don’t want her to feel discouraged.  You want her to know that you find her attractive.  You want to let her know “Hey babe, we are in this together.  We are going to figure this out together.  It’s no biggie.”  You may want to try movies or books.  At the end of the day, you have to let her know that it’s alright.  You have to do it in a way that’s supportive of her and considerate of her feelings too.   You don’t want to ask for it to be a turnoff.  You also don’t want her to begin thinking “Is he going to get it from somewhere else?”  You know.  You just have to be careful with that. 

Guy 2: If for some reason there was a need to ask “not many” then you say in a playful way. For example, you say to her “man I feel like having my toe’s curled right now hint hint… how about you.  If I just climb on her and try to put it in her face, it makes her feel like she’s a hoe… like she’s nothing.  But just to come out and say it and you serious…no.

Let’s say you are in a relationship and it’s going well. What’s a timeframe (where you think you should have it)? Is there one?

Guy 1: Oh for her to do it.  No… hell no… haha.  Not at all.  No. What are you going to say, “We’ve been together a month and you haven’t done it yet.”  So what she hasn’t done it yet.  Because at the end of the day you want her to be enthused about doing it.  You don’t to feel like she’s doing it just to shut you up.  I would prefer to wait let’s say 3-4 months to where she is eager to do it.  Like nothing is going to get in her way of doing it versus her doing it after a month just to shut you up.  I’d rather wait. 

Guy 2: There is no timeframe.  It will happen when she is comfortable and really ready to perform the act.

What if it’s 6 months?

Guy 1: Doesn’t matter.

Would asking for it take anything away from the experience for you?

Guy 1: I don’t think so.  If you ask and it’s good, then great.  I just don’t ask.  Everything isn’t going to work the same for everybody.

Guy 2: For me, the experience wouldn’t change. If it’s good it’s good, even if you receive it spontaneously or if you ask for it.  The spontaneity for me is great. When I receive it without wondering or expecting it the experience can be overwhelming.  That’s especially if you least expect it. For example, you can be together driving somewhere and she feels the need to hook you up while you are driving, “OH MY…”. You get the picture.

That’s it in a nutshell!

Want other advice from the guys? Be sure to catch the Tails From His Side on Thursdays.

XOXO,

KC