I’m a 30 something-year-old black DMV professional with no kids, never married, own a car, have a job and a home. I have been living and dating in the area for almost 10 years. I’m an avid reader and contributor to this blog, so I thought it was time for a man’s perspective on the dating scene. The dating scene is just that- Two sided. There is a female and a MALE’s take on things.
So, without reservation, I accepted the challenge when Korrie asked me to contribute (I like to think that she thinks I make valid points from a guy). Her post about the Independent/ Strong women (a topic I don’t have an issue with) sparked a post idea about some issues men on the dating scene (those intentionally dating with a goal in mind) have with our women counterparts.
This post is meant to apply to those that are dating or have a girlfriend and not ones that are in a marriage. This post is not meant to slander or speak negatively about women, but rather to bring to light some areas of improvement. If you don’t learn anything from it, hopefully, you think it’s a good read.
Scratch that, I’m not here to entertain, I’m here to make it easier for us men to find our Michelle or Gabrielle (my ideas of BLACK women)! I present to you a list of actions that women make that annoy men…Part 1!
We [men] like to be considerate. So when we do things for example: ask what you want to eat, we want to do something for you or do something you want to do. However, all that consideration, being sweet and caring, can quickly turn into anger and irritation when you are incapable of making a simple decision.
Case in pointe:
Here’s a typical conversation we’ve all had:
Man: What do you want to eat?
Woman: Idk babe whatever you want?
Man: You sure? Well, what do you have a taste for?
Woman: I can eat anything babe you decide?
Excited Man: Ok, how about Italian?
Woman: I don’t want Italian babe, too many carbs?
Slightly Irritated Man: Ok, let’s get fried chicken.
Woman: I don’t want to eat any fried food babe. Can you pick something else?
Moderately Irritated Man: Ok, let’s get Mexican.
Indecisive Woman: I just had tacos on Tuesday
Pissed Off Man: WOMAN MAKE A DAMN DECISION! YOU TOLD ME TO PICK, BUT YOU SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING I SUGGEST!!!
See how that escalated quickly? Instead of putting down what we suggest, you can do one of the following:
– Go with the suggestion, since you said we can pick the place and food
– Suggest something, especially if you don’t like our suggestion
Another Case in Point is when it comes to picking clothes. We get irritated when we are trying to go out and have to wait because you have to try on your fifth outfit because your shoes and shirt don’t match. There’s no need to change outfits three times when we’re just going to Chipotle! Who are you all getting dressed for anyway? Pick an outfit and stick with it. That is unless the outfit you choose is severely more underdressed or overdressed than what we are wearing or for the place we are going.
I say all of that to say… Make a decision ladies! There is nothing more attractive than a woman that knows what she wants and goes full throttle (yes, with something as simple as food and dress selection).
Behind Every Great Man…
I need you all to pay attention to the beginning of this famous quote. I know it’s the 21st century, so you can even feel free to adjust it to read “Beside every great man.” The point of this statement is, for your man/ your relationship to be great, you must FALL BACK! Let him LEAD!
For example, let’s take dancing. I love dancing (not that grinding, twerking, “hitting them folk” type stuff) and I think it’s the best activity to do on a first date. Not just because of the physical interaction, but it’s an active activity that evokes positive, feel-good emotions. Most importantly, dancing will let you know if that woman is capable of FOLLOWING.
Case in pointe, Salsa or Hand dancing classes (and for you mid-westerners ballroom dancing or stepping). In these types of partner dances, the male will indicate the female in the direction she should move. In this style of dance, a woman is partnered with a man. An instructor leads the class and presents the class with a couple of moves that they should practice with their partner. The group will repeat these moves several times before moving on to another partner where they will practice those same moves on them, before being presented with a set of new moves. Now, after watching the move demonstrated by the instructor and having it performed on them once or twice, the woman may anticipate the indication by the male, and instead of letting the guy lead her into the move, she will lead him. This action is called hi-jacking. This is not following directions. She is a woman not to be trusted! Ok, maybe you can trust her, but he should be wary.
I use that analogy because when you see a couple salsa or hand dance together it’s beautiful, literally poetry in motion, and it’s a great indication of the magnificence that can happen when a woman FOLLOWS!! Sit back, relax, and trust in your man or potential mate to let him lead the way. When you do the opposite, it doesn’t work for a relationship.
Don’t dance, ok, here’s another example. Your man is taking you out on a date, but you don’t know where the place is. You get out of the car/Uber/metro and have to walk to the place. If you don’t know where we’re going, why are you walking in front of him? Sit back, relax, trust in your man, and let him lead! When you making following a hard thing to do, it will make being with you hard as well!
Don’t Get Me to Start Lying
These types of simple yes/no questions are irritating:
– Do you love me?
– Does this make me look fat?
– Do you miss me?
These fall into the category of set-up questions; a question that has an obvious right answer to the person asking it, but she receives a different answer, then she feels some “type of way” and more questions and attitude ensues.
Men, and hopefully all human, want to be truthful. However, these types of questions, don’t allow us to be that way, so instead, we have an inner conflict. Do we tell you how we feel, or do we avoid confrontation?
So if we lie and give you the obvious answer, how does that benefit you? Instead, ask these questions:
– How do you feel about me?
– What do you think of this outfit on me?
– Want to hang out or let’s do something?
You can get a more detailed answer by asking these questions, and not irritate your man too much. Now, If you want to ask a yes/no set-up question, don’t be mad when you get the answer you don’t want. You’ve been warned!
Now everyone wonders about The proverbial check saga. To pay or not to pay, That is the question. Well here’s the answer:
I think of myself as a gentleman, and one of the qualities of a gentleman is being chivalrous. But, it’s 2017 and women are preaching about independence, being independent, having their own money, job, car, home and equal pay. Well, how come when it comes to the dinner table, you don’t speak about equality then? You don’t speak about independence then? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you have to pay for every meal, but 1/3 or ¼ at the very least. Shoot if you go ½, you’re a keeper! You not paying or at least making an effort to pay is a red flag.
Let’s take the first date for example. The gentleman’s guide to being a gentleman teaches everyone that the man is supposed to pay for the first date. We know this and expect it. What would make us think of you as a potential keeper? You attempting to pay. That’s it, just attempt. Don’t be persistent. If he allows you to pay, then pay and never speak to him again. That man is not a gentleman.
Now when it comes to every other date after that, attempt to pay at the very least. A gentleman will always respond with “No, I got this.” This is when you become persistent and say, “No, it’s on me!” and actually commit to doing so! Do that, and that man will be in awe of you! That’s a potential wifey!
Follow these rules and you all will have made bread to break up, with your significant other that is. If not, well, table for 1!
To be continued…
Case N Pointe