Let it go as passionately as it came.
Moving on is hard. Flat out, it just is. In all facets of life. From graduating from college to moving out of the home you raised your children in. This is especially true when it comes to matters of the heart. Moving on from a relationship that’s run its course takes time. It doesn’t come without hurt whether you or your S.O. is the one to call it quits.
But to move on, we have to first let go. Tahj learned this months after breaking up with his ex- a break that was caused by his S.O. moving to another state. Naturally, the relationship slowly died out. The texts weren’t as frequent and the calls became non-existent. It was when Tahj realized that his efforts weren’t being reciprocated he knew it was time for him to let go.
If I let go, it might be forever…
“I wrote this: I’m having a hard time letting go especially when I see it’s easy for you. I do understand though… You don’t have time for your old life and temporary people who hang on. I feel like I’m one of those temporary people and if I let go, it might be forever… I didn’t send it or anything…Writing is therapeutic.”
Although their relationship ended on a good note, the course of their time together didn’t go without its trials. The true test of his relationship came when his S.O. found intimacy with another. For Tahj, he stayed in the relationship, which, in the end, help him to let go.
“I couldn’t get past what happened unless I was there trying to work it out. I felt that I needed to work through it with him. But I did it for me. The way it played out, I don’t regret staying. If I would’ve let go right then, I felt like I would’ve been holding on to a lot. It was good for me and [if I’d left] it would have been a lot to deal with on my own.”
As many of us who fall in love, we put our all into a relationship. Tajh was no different. According to Tahj, it’s what you put into the relationship is what makes you go from a “good partner to a great partner.” He aimed to be at the “great” end of the spectrum.
Regardless of what you put into a relationship, Common warned us “Some niggas recognize the light, but they can’t handle the glare.” Without that level of appreciation being reciprocated through action, it’s a natural reaction to feel the way Tahj does, “I feel like I put a lot of trust into that situation and it failed me.”
Being the optimist that he is, during his process of letting go, he didn’t want to just throw it out like yesterday’s garbage. Rather he looked for meaning and purpose.
“I had a few friends that were doing a bonfire at the end of 2017 and we were supposed to burn the things of our exes and maybe write down some of our thoughts to be thrown into the fire too. I wanted to participate, however, I needed it to make sense to me. So, I thought with the burning of items in the fire, I would be letting it go as passionately as it came. You know.. fire… passion… I thought it made sense.”
Now that he’s reached the other side of letting go (the moved on stage), Tahj has found a new sense of self and discovery. “I’m wiser, I have more self-awareness. I am more valuable!
He came to realize that his feelings shouldn’t be negated to make his partner feel comfortable.
When I asked what he meant by valuable, he stated “I’m more comfortable, confident, and I know my self-worth. I’m taking my feelings into consideration before considering yours.”